When I was younger, the whole "you gotta love yourself before you can love others" thing sounded like bullshit. But I'm older now and I've been down a few rough roads, and you know what? IT TOTALLY MAKES SENSE.
It's like this: Let's say that you aren't exactly filled with
self-love. You have a negative self image, your esteem is shit, and you
have a lot of negative self-talk going through your head. And let's say
that for whatever reason, the girl of your dreams (for the purposes of
this scenario, the girl of your dreams will be played by Sandra Bullock, because fuck you that's why.) falls head over heels
So there you are, lying next to woman of your dreams,
awake and thinking. Are you thinking to yourself, "I am a stone cold
pimp!" NOPE. You're going to be thinking, "How did I get this lucky?
What the hell does she even see in me? There's no way this is going to
last." And then, without even realizing it, you're going to start
sabotaging everything. You'll grow distant. You'll start to lose respect
for her because somewhere deep in your mind is the thought, "How could
someone like her ever love a loser piece of shit like me? She must be
retarded." You're destined to fail.
The other side of the coin is that you end up with whatever partner
you can get. You may want that girl of your dreams, but you don't feel
you deserve her. You may not be crazy about her, but at least she's with you,
so you can proudly proclaim you have a girlfriend. And she won't leave
you because she has her own co-dependency issues to deal with. Now that
you both have each other, neither one of you have to actually deal with
the problems you have. Unless you wise up, you'll think that this is
what love is.
I hate to admit it, but I've been through some really bad
relationships. We're talking emotionally abusive, manipulative, crazy
women here. And you know what? I felt like that was the best I could
have. That I was even lucky to have them. I
ran my goddamn heart and soul through fucking broken glass for them. I
worked so hard to make things good because I didn't want to lose what I
Then one day I got married. She wasn't that hot in
the physical sense, but she treated me better than any girl before. And you know what I did? I shit all over all of it. I became
distant, treated her offhandedly, and practically lived up to the cliche
of the loser husband. If she hadn't had her own esteem issues to deal
with, I think she would've left me permanently early in our marriage.
I look back at those times and I'm embarrassed by it. Fucking angry
too, if I'm being honest. I wish I could go back to my younger self and
smack him around some. "Quit fucking around and get your shit together!
You're way more awesome than you realize and here you are squandering
your potential! You're too good to waste these good years like this!"
If I had "loved myself," I never would've stood for the shitty
treatment I got, and I never would've been a shitty boyfriend and
husband to the girl who actually treated me like a king. I'm thankful
that I'm on the right path now, but damn, I wish I had understood the
memo years ago as it would have saved me a lot of pain and causing the same.
I am learning now, that I am someone who is worthy of loving because I finally found someone who makes me feel like I am worth loving myself. Therein lies the most important part of any relationship. For once I truly feel like I am not just settling for someone who is willing to love me, and it is the most amazing feeling in the world.